Sometime I don't know what to do other than love someone. A dear friend lost his mom two years ago today. I'm watching him like a movie: his pain, his isolation. I can feel sad for him;I am both removed and completely a part of the situation.
This is my first time grieving the loss of someone I've never met, someone whose absence is palpable in every conversation, every milestone, every look. (He smiles her smile-just like her!)
I can only hope than my own emotional ineptitude doesn't get in the way.
Sometime I don't know what to do other than love someone.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The Irony and the Agony
So I am going to reveal some personal information in the name of helping ladies everywhere. Recently I have been feeling really really not so good at all. I thought it was stress, with weddings and job changes etc., but it turns out that all of the crap I have been feeling, anxiety, fatigue, extreme dizziness, mood swings, and all around general crazy is from my birth control! I am writing this because i finally checked out some of my symptoms on the Internet and discovered that I am not crazy, and plenty of other women have felt theses same symptoms. So I am adding my voice to the fray, since you never know who will read this.
The funny part of all of this (and the crazy part too) is that my doctor recommended this particular pill called Loestrin 24, because I said I didn't want to gain weight. So for the last sixth months I have thought this pill was wonderful, all because I didn't gain weight. I stupidly chose to ignore the dizziness, anxiety, migraines etc, because yes, I was still skinny.
Sigh. It is amazing how we women ignore our bodies and instincts. Once I figured all of this out, I had a good laugh at my stupidity and once again was reminded that "life is one long lesson in humility." And to top it all of, this damn pill isn't even covered by my insurance. Essentially, I have been paying out of pocket to feel like crap. Silly, Supernana.
So ladies, pay attention to your bodies. If you don't feel good, it is not normal! And- don't be stupid, life is so much better when you're happy and perhaps(shocking!), a bigger size !
The funny part of all of this (and the crazy part too) is that my doctor recommended this particular pill called Loestrin 24, because I said I didn't want to gain weight. So for the last sixth months I have thought this pill was wonderful, all because I didn't gain weight. I stupidly chose to ignore the dizziness, anxiety, migraines etc, because yes, I was still skinny.
Sigh. It is amazing how we women ignore our bodies and instincts. Once I figured all of this out, I had a good laugh at my stupidity and once again was reminded that "life is one long lesson in humility." And to top it all of, this damn pill isn't even covered by my insurance. Essentially, I have been paying out of pocket to feel like crap. Silly, Supernana.
So ladies, pay attention to your bodies. If you don't feel good, it is not normal! And- don't be stupid, life is so much better when you're happy and perhaps(shocking!), a bigger size !
Monday, August 2, 2010
Here, There, Everywhere.
I have been all over. DC, Philly, Savannah, New York, and now home.
I have learned a few things:
1-AA's everywhere are the same and wonderful and will save your life no matter who you are or where you come from.
2-New families are amazing. When you find a family that takes you, claims you as there own, loves you and appreciates your love of their son and brother, you've found a place to call home. Then it's time to buy some furniture and give the cat a name.
3-Traveling in summer on the East Coast is stupid. I do not recommend it. However, traveling with a man who loves you, no matter where you are is the best. I highly recommend it.
4-Weddings are stressful. If I ever get married again, I'll call you and tell you how it was, then you can come over and have some coffee. No dress, no mess, just me, my man, and some good coffee.
5-Good friends are the best thing in the world. Friends who have known you since your wild kitten days prancing around Paris are priceless and should be valued above all things.
and finally, 6- You can never, ever, have too much shrimp.
I have learned a few things:
1-AA's everywhere are the same and wonderful and will save your life no matter who you are or where you come from.
2-New families are amazing. When you find a family that takes you, claims you as there own, loves you and appreciates your love of their son and brother, you've found a place to call home. Then it's time to buy some furniture and give the cat a name.
3-Traveling in summer on the East Coast is stupid. I do not recommend it. However, traveling with a man who loves you, no matter where you are is the best. I highly recommend it.
4-Weddings are stressful. If I ever get married again, I'll call you and tell you how it was, then you can come over and have some coffee. No dress, no mess, just me, my man, and some good coffee.
5-Good friends are the best thing in the world. Friends who have known you since your wild kitten days prancing around Paris are priceless and should be valued above all things.
and finally, 6- You can never, ever, have too much shrimp.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
What The HELL? Musings from a cafe in Venice Beach
So not only have I been in LALA land, I have also been cooking. I have made dinner every night this week and then some! Who the hell am I?
My sister in law says that I have tapped into some spiritual level of cooking and that I am clearly in a new place in my life. I suppose. I think that I have finally found a healthy way to express my love and concern for someone other than insane resentful self sacrifice and good martinis. All I know is, it gives me such joy to make food for my nerdy guy and watch him eat it.
So that's what I've been up to. I would show you pictures, but according to my mother, my meals haven't been plated properly.
Oh well. and Hey Felix- I made a berry pie. It was awful, but I had fun trying!
In other news, I am no longer a teacher, but a writer of curriculum and a dutiful cubicle drone. It's amazing. People get to work at 9:30! I am adjusting to this new life by eating breakfast and not getting up at 5:30 in the morning.
So that's it. I'm back to work which currently consists of reading the entire 6-8 curriculum in three days. Luckily, I am working from home, which currently means working from a cafe in Venice with an ocean view and my man (who, it must be noted, just pulled a pair of 3-D glasses inexplicably from his bag and is watching some 3-D film on his computer. Such a nerd!).
Life is good my angel-babies. Life is good.
PS-Oh and I almost forgot! I started this blog 4 years ago with a post about soccer, when the French were in the World Cup only to make it to the final and well. . .we all know what happened. I have to say this year was sad for Les Bleus. But it is time to rebuild and move on. As Zidane said, "Laurent Blanc will fix all of this." I can only hope that the man who helped me fall in love with soccer in 1998 and win the World Cup, the Euro etc. . .is right. So, le sigh, and here's to 2014!
My sister in law says that I have tapped into some spiritual level of cooking and that I am clearly in a new place in my life. I suppose. I think that I have finally found a healthy way to express my love and concern for someone other than insane resentful self sacrifice and good martinis. All I know is, it gives me such joy to make food for my nerdy guy and watch him eat it.
So that's what I've been up to. I would show you pictures, but according to my mother, my meals haven't been plated properly.
Oh well. and Hey Felix- I made a berry pie. It was awful, but I had fun trying!
In other news, I am no longer a teacher, but a writer of curriculum and a dutiful cubicle drone. It's amazing. People get to work at 9:30! I am adjusting to this new life by eating breakfast and not getting up at 5:30 in the morning.
So that's it. I'm back to work which currently consists of reading the entire 6-8 curriculum in three days. Luckily, I am working from home, which currently means working from a cafe in Venice with an ocean view and my man (who, it must be noted, just pulled a pair of 3-D glasses inexplicably from his bag and is watching some 3-D film on his computer. Such a nerd!).
Life is good my angel-babies. Life is good.
PS-Oh and I almost forgot! I started this blog 4 years ago with a post about soccer, when the French were in the World Cup only to make it to the final and well. . .we all know what happened. I have to say this year was sad for Les Bleus. But it is time to rebuild and move on. As Zidane said, "Laurent Blanc will fix all of this." I can only hope that the man who helped me fall in love with soccer in 1998 and win the World Cup, the Euro etc. . .is right. So, le sigh, and here's to 2014!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Boyfriend LALALAND
I have, my dear friends, been in boyfriend lalaland for the past few weekends. You know how it goes, happiness, bliss, movies, breakfasts, and fun. So I haven't been writing. Not too much has happened.
I celebrated anniversary of 365 continuous days of sobriety. Which is cool. I don't write about it too often because I find addict talk kind of boring. And I didn't think I was going to make it to a year. Now, however, I am comfortable in my skin and pretty cool with the whole thing. This is just the way it is now. I will say however that it has been an amazing year. A year of change, introspection, and miracles. I think the best thing that sobriety has given me is the opportunity to influence my kid. She looked at me yesterday and said that I was an amazing woman and she was proud to be in my life. COME ONE! can it get any better?!
Otherwise, I am winding down the year with these crazy kids and ready to start my new job , which hopefully will not involve a classroom.
Otherwise not much to report.
Kiss kiss, love love!
I celebrated anniversary of 365 continuous days of sobriety. Which is cool. I don't write about it too often because I find addict talk kind of boring. And I didn't think I was going to make it to a year. Now, however, I am comfortable in my skin and pretty cool with the whole thing. This is just the way it is now. I will say however that it has been an amazing year. A year of change, introspection, and miracles. I think the best thing that sobriety has given me is the opportunity to influence my kid. She looked at me yesterday and said that I was an amazing woman and she was proud to be in my life. COME ONE! can it get any better?!
Otherwise, I am winding down the year with these crazy kids and ready to start my new job , which hopefully will not involve a classroom.
Otherwise not much to report.
Kiss kiss, love love!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Why the Tower Could Not Reach the Moon
This weekend was a blur of parties. It started with prom.
Ah prom, on a boat, with 90 kids and my boss. Not exactly the ideal situation. And as usual, we didn't follow the rules and we let a bunch of kids go to prom who shouldn't have. Sigh.
The good part of the night however, was the crowning of prom king and queen. I spent a great deal of money I don't have on a damn tiara and crown so I was hoping it didn't go to some ungrateful couple. Fortunately the young lady who won Queen was so grateful, humble and amazing. She is not your "expected" prom queen. She is one of the very underprivileged kids at our school (we pretend we serve a much more economically disadvantaged group than we do), and she is overweight. She tends to hid behind being funny and silly. Everyone loves her and she is one of the most gracious young ladies I have ever taught. Early on prom day I drove her to her hair appointment actually. A friend of the school had donated her hair services for one lucky young woman. We all felt this young lady was the obvious choice.
Anyway, there is a lot of competition for these things, even at our little charter school. The girls had already gotten mean and catty about the campaigning.
Anyway when the Queen was announced our girl was so shocked and amazed. She cried and cried then danced like a crazy person with her date who won king. It's nice when kids do the right thing. Rare and amazing, and very nice.
Other than that, it was kind of lame. This class in general is ungrateful, mean, and all together boring. Suffice to say, I was more than happy to leave.
Upon arriving home, I discovered that my boyfriend had transformed my living room into our own prom. Through a series of conversations, I discovered that he had never gone to his prom and that we both loved the Enchantment Under the Sea theme from Back to the Future. Long story short, we had prom and it looked like that. Somehow he had rigged reflecting pools all over the living room and the place looked like a giant fish tank. AWESOME. Too bad I was so tired.
Saturday found us at a benefit for my best friend's non profit, which involved fake gambling (i lost), a band called The Booty Shakers, and all around good times. We also trekked across town to Hollywood for my little friend's birthday. And let me tell you, a party for a 23 year old in Hollywood is no fun. parking was 25 dollars, traffic sucked and Mr Matrix and I were not happy. But we managed to stay for 30 minutes take some photos and give the kids some helpful advice ("don't mix that! gross").
And today, we went to breakfast, walked the dog (I'm dogsitting), went to the Museum of Jurassic Technology, and saw the best baby in the world.
All in all, I feel loved and happy, despite having almost lost my car, being totally broke, and completely afraid of the future. Not too shabby.
Ah prom, on a boat, with 90 kids and my boss. Not exactly the ideal situation. And as usual, we didn't follow the rules and we let a bunch of kids go to prom who shouldn't have. Sigh.
The good part of the night however, was the crowning of prom king and queen. I spent a great deal of money I don't have on a damn tiara and crown so I was hoping it didn't go to some ungrateful couple. Fortunately the young lady who won Queen was so grateful, humble and amazing. She is not your "expected" prom queen. She is one of the very underprivileged kids at our school (we pretend we serve a much more economically disadvantaged group than we do), and she is overweight. She tends to hid behind being funny and silly. Everyone loves her and she is one of the most gracious young ladies I have ever taught. Early on prom day I drove her to her hair appointment actually. A friend of the school had donated her hair services for one lucky young woman. We all felt this young lady was the obvious choice.
Anyway, there is a lot of competition for these things, even at our little charter school. The girls had already gotten mean and catty about the campaigning.
Anyway when the Queen was announced our girl was so shocked and amazed. She cried and cried then danced like a crazy person with her date who won king. It's nice when kids do the right thing. Rare and amazing, and very nice.
Other than that, it was kind of lame. This class in general is ungrateful, mean, and all together boring. Suffice to say, I was more than happy to leave.
Upon arriving home, I discovered that my boyfriend had transformed my living room into our own prom. Through a series of conversations, I discovered that he had never gone to his prom and that we both loved the Enchantment Under the Sea theme from Back to the Future. Long story short, we had prom and it looked like that. Somehow he had rigged reflecting pools all over the living room and the place looked like a giant fish tank. AWESOME. Too bad I was so tired.
Saturday found us at a benefit for my best friend's non profit, which involved fake gambling (i lost), a band called The Booty Shakers, and all around good times. We also trekked across town to Hollywood for my little friend's birthday. And let me tell you, a party for a 23 year old in Hollywood is no fun. parking was 25 dollars, traffic sucked and Mr Matrix and I were not happy. But we managed to stay for 30 minutes take some photos and give the kids some helpful advice ("don't mix that! gross").
And today, we went to breakfast, walked the dog (I'm dogsitting), went to the Museum of Jurassic Technology, and saw the best baby in the world.
All in all, I feel loved and happy, despite having almost lost my car, being totally broke, and completely afraid of the future. Not too shabby.
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