3:39

For the past four nights I have gotten up at 3:39 exactly. Not in a panic but more in like a "oh hey i guess I'm awake now: way. Today I think it because I have few scary things on the horizon. I have to go to the dentist, which I hate and I'm going to San Francisco. For those of you who know me (which I admit is most of you), you know that the City brings up some sad memories for me. I just started getting nervous. I can't help it. I want very much to go to a place that I miss, but it's kinda scary. I'm afraid to get caught up in feelings and sadness and the memories. I mean, why should I feel bad that someone didn't want me, and that I didn't want them. I suppose the Sailordude is mature enough to let me be and let me get my much anticipated breakfast pizza from Rose's. Why am I still so scared? I can't wait for people to give me permission to be happy? And why god why should I accept it?

That's OK, it's just my life. . .

Nothing is ever easy. Here I am a very long time after running errands. I should have been home along time ago. As usual things take forever, i get lost, things are misunderstood, and the world is lost. Today was the computer, yesterday the ticket, tomorrow I have to go on a plane so I can't imagine what's going to happen.
In other news, there was an earthquake today! Fun! My friend Melissa thought she was drunk. HA!
Anyway, I am going to SF tomorrow to see The Politica, then back home to babysit the best baby in the world, and then drive back to Sf with Mr. ATL who finally comes home on SATURDAY. Whoo. Hoo.
It's a miracle I have stayed alive without him. Thank goodness for the girls.

OVER IT

Summer school is finally over. Hooray. I am still at school though since my trusty Mac has decided to stop working. I came in to put my final grades in and the silly computer won't let me. damn damn damn. Whatever happened to paper? I liked paper grades. Anyway, that's all. Mr. ATL is still gone and I am trying not to starve without him. Lady Miss Taurus is getting married this weekend and everyone is having babies. I am having cramps and panic attacks induced by debt.

The things we lost in the classroom

sanity
money
ipods
hope
charity
perspective
love

What?!

So there was this horrible discussion in my first period class about black people and white people. It's all too much to write about, but I am ready to teach somewhere else.
I don't know how to combat ignorance.

These kids are saying that black people still in slavery. That the white man is the reason black people can't succeed and that a poor white poor has no excuse to be poor, but poor black people do.

Man alive, I want to run away.

Summer Losers

Why on earth would you go to summer school and not do your work? I can't understand it. These kids are destined to fail. They don't care, they don't try, and to top it all off they're mean. WHY WHY WHY do I do this?
Don't even get me started on the adults at this place.. .
I need a new job.

Eleven Whole Days!

Well I have been busy. Summer school is almost over, Mr. ATL has gone to the midwest to work and that's about it! The Big Creole is back home, and all is right with the world. We just need the brothers to get together and make hot sausage. . . .

Hungry

I want to tell the little girls to eat. I have been hungry for fifteen years! Eat little girls, you'll only regret it later if you don't. They have so much to learn. . .

ACK! How is it the 9th?

Everything is moving so quickly! I have no idea what to do with myself. This week I am a little busy with Zeke. The dog I am dog sitting. He is fabulous. He reminds me of Abigail, our baby Rottie. Sad. Sad. Sad. Otherwise, I am pretty boring, so boring that half of the week just passed and I've no idea how. Weird.
In other news, I am very proud of myself for being great with my personal goals as of late. I have kept all the promises I made to myself and it feels pretty good. Who knew that taking care of yourself actually makes you feel better.
I have wasted a lot of time. . .

Old old old

Lovely fourth of July, no drinking or foolishness, the girls, the pool, the fam, and the BBQ. And the realization that we are indeed old. I love it!

Number Three

I had a wonderful chat with Number Three, all the way out in Spain. He is so funny. We talked the day after Spain won the Euro. I was very glad that he was able to experience that national pride. I never felt that until I went to France and they won the Euro and the World Cup(le pauvre francais . . ). I always feel more upset when my soccer teams lose. I realize that I have nothing to do with them winning, but it stings in a way that baseball,football, and basketball don't. After I wrote that sentence, I realized that basketball broke my heart a mere two weeks ago. So there goes my theory. Number Three was also upset about the Lakers. He was almost too upset to speak actually. We just stayed on the phone and yelled at each other. Things like, "It was crazy! Can you even believe it? What the hell? I was pissed!" We went on like that for a little while.
We did discuss his impending move(I am trying like mad to get him to move into the tropics that would be too amazing). I miss Number Three. I feel as if we are all a little off balance. We need him to complete the circle.