What? A year? And now you're married? Dayum.

I'm here! I'm married. To Mr. Matrix of all people. What? I know! I can't believe my crazy damn luck. I suppose I am now Mrs. Matrix. We have a dog and a brand new place to live and life is good.

Not much else to report. The crazy kids in South LA are still driving me insane, but I love them.
I will try to do this more often. Not that my musings are all that interesting, but hey, it's fun for me. And basketball will be back soon, so there's that to talk about.

bisous,

Supernana Matrix

Oh Goodness!

It's been a month! I have been so busy investigating a possible job change (I know-I say this all the time), beginning massive renovations on my place, and being in love and happy.

The new news is this- Mr, Matrix and I are having a good time. Hooray.

What is also happening is, this relationship stuff is hard! I love him dearly and I never quite realized that loving someone and being loved is hard work. My damn parents made it look so easy. Even when it was hard, it looked easy, So this is new for me. Admittedly, this is really my first real grown-up-we're-both-adults-and-equal relationship. I suppose that's why it hard.
It is a good a thing. I enjoy being present and aware of my actions. I also enjoy being honest and accountable. But there are moments when I wish I could go back to to my former self and be a brat. A selfish brat that can yell and scream and cry and make it all about me.

In these moments (particularly when they happen n IKEA), I take a breath and say, " Ok my love, I'll meet you in the car."

I now have the ability to know that all of the mean and selfish things I could say or do are not worth the hurt they will cause. They may give a moment of satisfaction, but they will never make things better.

And that my lovelies is what I am thankful for today. Perspective. Awareness. And above all, patience.
Enjoy the day and call your mother.

The Birthday Blues

once again, tomorrow is my birthday. And once again I've got the birthday blues.
I am grateful for things, i just can't tell what right now.
I'm going to a baby shower on my birthday. Then an all girl roller derby so that should be fun.

but why the blues?! damn.

October begins with. . .

Root canals and layoffs. That's all I got.
Well actually, I also have lovely friends, a crazy but fun and loving family. And a special guy that likes to wake up with me.
so the rest of it is just. . . .silly.

The storm cloud is on its way . . .

Sometime I don't know what to do other than love someone. A dear friend lost his mom two years ago today. I'm watching him like a movie: his pain, his isolation. I can feel sad for him;I am both removed and completely a part of the situation.

This is my first time grieving the loss of someone I've never met, someone whose absence is palpable in every conversation, every milestone, every look. (He smiles her smile-just like her!)

I can only hope than my own emotional ineptitude doesn't get in the way.

Sometime I don't know what to do other than love someone.

The Irony and the Agony

So I am going to reveal some personal information in the name of helping ladies everywhere. Recently I have been feeling really really not so good at all. I thought it was stress, with weddings and job changes etc., but it turns out that all of the crap I have been feeling, anxiety, fatigue, extreme dizziness, mood swings, and all around general crazy is from my birth control! I am writing this because i finally checked out some of my symptoms on the Internet and discovered that I am not crazy, and plenty of other women have felt theses same symptoms. So I am adding my voice to the fray, since you never know who will read this.

The funny part of all of this (and the crazy part too) is that my doctor recommended this particular pill called Loestrin 24, because I said I didn't want to gain weight. So for the last sixth months I have thought this pill was wonderful, all because I didn't gain weight. I stupidly chose to ignore the dizziness, anxiety, migraines etc, because yes, I was still skinny.

Sigh. It is amazing how we women ignore our bodies and instincts. Once I figured all of this out, I had a good laugh at my stupidity and once again was reminded that "life is one long lesson in humility." And to top it all of, this damn pill isn't even covered by my insurance. Essentially, I have been paying out of pocket to feel like crap. Silly, Supernana.

So ladies, pay attention to your bodies. If you don't feel good, it is not normal! And- don't be stupid, life is so much better when you're happy and perhaps(shocking!), a bigger size !

Here, There, Everywhere.

I have been all over. DC, Philly, Savannah, New York, and now home.
I have learned a few things:

1-AA's everywhere are the same and wonderful and will save your life no matter who you are or where you come from.

2-New families are amazing. When you find a family that takes you, claims you as there own, loves you and appreciates your love of their son and brother, you've found a place to call home. Then it's time to buy some furniture and give the cat a name.

3-Traveling in summer on the East Coast is stupid. I do not recommend it. However, traveling with a man who loves you, no matter where you are is the best. I highly recommend it.

4-Weddings are stressful. If I ever get married again, I'll call you and tell you how it was, then you can come over and have some coffee. No dress, no mess, just me, my man, and some good coffee.

5-Good friends are the best thing in the world. Friends who have known you since your wild kitten days prancing around Paris are priceless and should be valued above all things.

and finally, 6- You can never, ever, have too much shrimp.