I'm gonna tattoo that on my heart.

Sad, weird, day indeed.
Some sad things have occurred and I'm at a loss for words, but certainly not emotion. So, I did what I always do . . . go to the bookstore and get lost in someone else's thoughts.

I bought several books (including Nigella Lawson's How to be a Domestic Goddess) all non fiction, since that's what I'm into these days. I have been reading Tattoos on the Heart, by Father Greg Boyle. It is amazing and beautiful and has moved me to tears twice already.

I think it is very interesting that I picked up this book on Easter. More on that later. For now, I'll just pay the bills, read the books, and do what it is right in
front of me.

How to be awesome without being registered.

Today I went to Macy's and I bought a Kitchen Aid mixer! and some other stuff since I've decided to start baking. I've been cooking and I apologize for my lack of updates about that but I did make a pancetta and pasta dish as well as crab cakes, a yummy dessert, a vanilla cake and cupcakes.

But back to the baking. So I like baking because I can spend all day in the kitchen and focus on things that make sense (1/2 a cup of sugar, 1 cup of milk, pour into bowl) rather than all the things that don't make sense (men, the education system, the future of my career). In addition to the calming aspect of baking, I like the fact that I can give away the things I make. It's hard to cook well for one person, and I get tired of having to invite people over all the time. Besides, who wants to come over every night just to eat my new things?

In any case, this story started with a mixer, as I said, I went to the one day sale at Macy's (who knew I actually paid attention to things like that, but no matter) and bought a mixer as well as a tart pan, some mixing bowls, and a nice whisk. While I was at the counter, the lady working there said that I was sure to find a man now, "since so few women bake these days." She also pointed out that my good looks plus baking would guarantee a man who would have no reason to leave. We had a good laugh about that. While we were laughing, some other Macy's employees came over to see what the fuss was about. One of the guys saw my mixer and asked, "Oh did you register for the other one and trade it in for this?"

I just looked at him and said, "No I'm not married. I just wanted a mixer."
He seemed shocked. I laughed and carried my big ass mixer home by myself and made a bad-ass cheesecake, that I think I might just eat . .In my house, by myself, in my pajamas, with a big grin and some strawberries.
Oh and isn't my living room lovely?

Gay husbands and communion wafers.

So I went to church this morning. As a favor to a dear dear friend. It was fun. There were a few things that gave me pause however.

1: The Communion wine and wafers were passed out in a prepackaged bundle. Imagine if you will, one of those half and half containers you get a diners, instead filled with wine and with a communion wafer wrapped in plastic on the top. I suppose it saves time but really, what happened to the ceremony?

2: The focus on financial benefits from loving God kinda put me off. One Deacon did a dance after explaining how he sold his house for half a million dollars. The upside of this declaration was that he danced like James Brown in The Blues Brothers. I had to restrain myself from laughing out loud!

Other than that, I sat for three (yes three) hours and listened to the singing and watched the dancing.

Also this weekend, my estranged gay husband returned from the East. This is a man that I met in the fall of 1999 on Sunday morning in Paris. He has, since that day, been the best relationship I've ever had with a man. It helps that he's so pretty and wonderful and we can shop together. Anyway, he and his new boyfriend, the blue-blooded Ty from Boston, came to visit me in LA. We ran around and I gave them an LA history tour. I spent the entire day with them yesterday and I can't wait for them to come back. We talked about them moving out here and us having a glorious life living on the Venice canals and raising a baby together. I hope they come. Spending time with them felt like coming back to family.

All in all a wonderful LA weekend.
Now it is time for work, the Oscars, and maybe some cheesecake! Next week we will discuss whether or not my parents should arrange a marriage for me. It sounds pretty tempting. Oh yeah and I was unceremoniously told that i wasn't right for the guy I went on the date with a few weeks ago. Mostly because although he "didn't mind going slowly" he didn't want to go "slowly [my] way." And after three weeks he thought it odd that I didn't want him to come over and cook dinner while I worked.
What the hell happened to dating. If I wanted dinner and work, I would have stayed married. Oh well.

PS. I love being single, so take that date guy.

Maybe this time. . .

This is how I feel, although I'm not talking about a man, i'm talking about my apartment. It is the nicest place ever. I had a crew of people who love me helping out this weekend and the move was easy, fun and pretty much the best move ever.

I feel great. I feel like the moment I've been waiting for since "starting over" and starting to blog again is happening. Things seem to have fallen into place.
Now maybe this time, I'll make sure to keep my place special and sacred and not let in just anybody.
Next up, cooking, I promise.

What?!

I went on an actual date! I though they had gone the way of the customer service rep and $30 parking tickets. But no, today was a date. a meeting with food, conversation, and getting to know someone without yelling in bar or pretending to be interested the morning after drunken hooking up!

breakfast, sunshine, the beach, dogs. . .it was like a movie. And yes, he was very nice and not at all scared of my career or my tattoos.
Interesting, very interesting.

In other news, I am moving into the urban myth of local real estate- a rent controlled apartment by the beach! I am quite lucky this week. I should remember that next time I have a car cry/nervous breakdown upon hearing that people are pregnant and getting married (sorry mom).
Next time I write it will be from the bestest little apartment on the Westside. Goodbye Clubhouse, you've served me well.

Single Person Awareness Day

To celebrate Black Sunday, or Valentine's Day as it is more commonly known, I stole all of the candy that kids gave away of Friday. I decided that if you were married or living with someone, you didn't really deserve candy, as you were pretty much guaranteed to get some (read that how you wish. . . ).

So every time someone put candy on the desk of a coupled person, I promptly went behind them and said, "Nope! That's for me!"

Supernana has since elected herself the true Saint Valentine, saving the singles from the onslaught of flowers and balloons that we are sure to see our friends innundated with, by dispersing candy throughout the single people land.

The kids were a little confused, but I told them they would understand when they got older.

Then in some sort of karmic retribution, I got sick. Again, with a sore throat.
Damn.

And we're back.

So I was told last night by a man much too old to say this, "we can't date, but we can, you know have fun."
Uh, no I don't know.
WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN?

In other more important news, I am moving at the end of this month and wildly excited about the new place and dedicating time to home improvements.

I must give a special shout out to Sparrow! I made her recipe yesterday and it was so yummy and easy. More to come I promise.

My mind and my life are disjointed as of late (much like this post). Things are going along quite smoothly at work, but I can feel the craziness creeping in(more on that in another post).
I am also realizing that perhaps I myself am emotionally unavailable. I kinda want the trappings of a relationship like someone to go places with and dress up for, but I don't want to deal with all the emotional stuff. Plus I think that men just don't trust the fact that I don't care if they are busy, I'M BUSY! I don't care if they can't spend every minute with me. I don't want that.
I have learned that men are scared little babies. And I'm just happy to have a bunch of guy friends who laugh with me and remind me that yes indeed, men are stupid.