Cabin Fever=Bizarre Post

So I've been absent as of late due to yet another medical set back. Return of the slasher flick. Big time. It was gross. Now my body is so tired and I'm having a hard time resting. I hate resting. I'm also pretty annoyed that my body seems to just keep breaking. My lovely doctor says that is just because I have a delicate system. That annoys me. I feel as if I have this super strong warrior spirit inside some flimsy fragile shell. How can I get anything done if my body refuses to cooperate?
I am also filled with odd emotions after learning that two students (STUDENTS!) I taught last year are about to have a baby. Why? They just turned eighteen and are only six weeks into college! I can’t help asking myself why is it not me that is getting ready for a baby? What does this mean? I don’t know maybe I should have chaperoned the Senior Cruise last year and I would have gotten knocked up too.
In other news, Sailordude is somewhere above the country in a plane flying home from what seems to have been one of the most disastrous family visits in the history of mankind. His sister is a mess, just lost her child in a custody battle and of course is riddled with guilt because that's the New England way of doing things. I can't understand why this is happening to him, but the only advice I could give him was to follow the signs. If life is pointing you in one direction, follow it. Sadly for me, I don’t think life is pointing him towards me. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
All I know is that I have to do what I can so my life and my body work. How hard is that? The answer: Very hard. I, who am so used to taking care of others and wrapping myself around someone else’s life, have been left to wrap myself around my life. oy.
Odd post, I know, but the words in my head are more convoluted than I thought. Thoughts? Anyone?

LA Miracles

So last night I went out with Angelo Moore, the lead singer of Fishbone, whose alter Ego is Dr. Madd Vibbe. And oh man it was awesome! He is one of my idols, a musical genius, and LA Royalty. It was a classic LA evening with dinner at Harold and Belle's, the best Creole eats in the city and a night cap at Fais Do-Do. Angelo is different than expected and older, wiser and sadly very bitter. His music is still incredible and he has the ability to tap into the political climate and express the inexpressible. We spent a lot of time talking about music, life, love, and the twist and turns of the unexpected. He seems to have been beaten down by a past relationship and the reality of the music business, He still however found the time to go out, meet someone new and hopefully rediscover his happiness. Anyway, it was cool, beyond cool, and exactly what I needed.

Goodbye Yankees!

Even though everyone else in my family is in football mode, I'm just glad to report that the Yankees are done and I say HELL YEAH! Red Sox baby, It's all about the Red Sox.

Guilty as Charged

So I let a friend help me and then I screwed her over and I am consumed, consumed I tell you, with guilt. I have taken the steps to rectify the situation, but here I am at the other end of the forgiveness game. Oh my. How is it that we can only stop and dwell on the action and not on the steps taken to resolve the problem? Oh well. I did have a wonderful conversation with the always faithful (in every sense of the word-She still goes to Mass, God Bless her!) Elaine, out in Boston, who reminded that given the circumstances I’m actually still pretty cool. I have to remind myself to shed my superwoman persona and remember to embrace the fact that I am indeed just like everyone else. I am not above mistakes, craziness, lows, guilt, problems, addictions, or anything we as humans go through. Where did this desire for perfection come from? I'm reading this book called Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters, and at least I have the comfort of knowing that I am not alone. Everyday that I eat, that I am healthy, that I don't beat myself up, is a good day, even if everything else falls apart.

Forgiveness

I was told yesterday that not forgiving and understanding that "people make mistakes" is stupid. Or rather that I shouldn't do it and I should forgive and forget rather than cut people out of my life. I wonder how many people can actually do that, for real. When someone hurts you so deeply so that you feel as if you're soul has been ripped apart, how do you forgive and say "oh well it happens?" I wonder sometimes if I am right or wrong in my inability to do this. Are you ever justified in saying, "No that is something I cannot forgive?" Does it violate our nature (or just mine) to have a limit to forgiveness? These are things I wonder as I recuperate, lost in books and memories, searching for an answer somewhere.

Lessons

Mama says it's seasonal, all the crap happening right now. I hope so. The good news is my friend Jenny is coming out to hang out with me, Sailordude seems to be getting it together, despite his train wreck of a sister, ADD, and general craziness. Also in the good news department: my brothers are awesome and everyone at work is helping out while I'm getting over this surgery crap. I'll spare you the details, suffice to say I feet as if I'm in some horrible slasher flick. Ick.
So the lesson I think I'm, learning is that even when things are bad, people are still good. Not all of them (like the ex best friends that want to take your refrigerator), but a few, and I guess that's all you need.
I'm off to the doctor today and hopefully he'll tell me good news or at least make me laugh.
Now about that karaoke machine. . .

And the countdown begins!

It is now October! Which means 22 days until my birthday. I am expecting one thing, and one thing only, a karaoke microphone. That's it. Hook it up. That's right, I said it it.