Oh no.

Got divorce paper in the mail. It's official. It has been over for a long time, but getting the OFFICIAL paper always makes it harder. Why, I don't know. No one likes an official record of your mistake. Just another sad piece of paper. Mr. Sailor is sad too. A lot of people are sad. I think I'll just stay here and wait for it to pass. At least France is in the World Cup Final. I have that to be happy about. But of course that always brings up memories of a different time, mistakes made half a world away in a different language, the buzz of cheap stadium beer mixed with the happiness of seeing soccer live and the sadness of knowing we were gone forever. Then of course I think about the weeks after. . .the laundered sheets that were never the same, the dreams of dropping babies, the belief that it wasn't my fault, and the secret that I knew it was. I prefer to not think about. Ick. More later, when I can remember who I am.