Wind, guns, and the healing powers of basketball.

The wind outside my window is going strong. About 35mph strong. I used to hate the wind until earlier this year when I had a lovely experience of the wind literally blowing my cares away. I was sitting outside, worrying about work and money and everything, when a strong gust of wind came out of nowhere and blew all my papers, bills, writing off the blanket and into the Pacific ocean. I laughed and cried and everything felt better. It served as a reminder that, in the words of the Bard, "there are more things in heaven and earth. . . than are dreamt of in your philosophy." I am constantly tempted to dwell in my fears and stress about the future, but little things, like the wind, remind me of how small I am and how worry does nothing to stop the wind from blowing it all away.

Today the wind has come at a perfect time. Recently I have been sinking into sorrow. I have felt surrounded by my own failures, lack of planning, and mistakes. This crazy wind isn't just blowing a few things away, but forcing all of the negativity out. Tomorrow I will be alive again and work like never before. Fuck it, tonight I'll start (ahem, I do have two letters of rec to write. . .). The universe has a way of telling you it's time to move on. This time I'm listening.

In other news and metaphors, I went shooting on Sunday. Shot some really big and really powerful guns. It was the best feeling ever. I put on some high heels, gathered up the family and shot five rounds with a 9mm Glock. I must admit, holding something so powerful and deadly was at first a little intimidating. Then I remembered that my father taught me to think of a gun as a tool;not to be feared but to be understood an respected. The fear disappeared.

Although I was there with The Brothers, it was my father's voice I heard in my head. I stayed calm and managed to hit all the shots into the target, with a high concentration in the center. It was amazing to just stand and focus on one single thing, to concentrate and be in the moment. Best stress relief I've found since surfing. So, now I have a new pastime (and a new place to take dates to see if they make the cut).

Onward and upwards as they say. Tonight, I work through the sadness of the Dodgers loss and pray for the healing powers of basketball to get me through the long, cold, windy winter.

Yesterday was my birthday . .

and it was fabulous. Much better than I ever expected. Flowers from Ma and Pa, balloons from the kids, dinner from the ladies, and a great movie about Vogue.

All in all a great day. No boys, no booze, no bad things at all.

So we still can't talk about my age, let's just say. . . I'm still in my thirties.

Love and kisses darlings!

Tomorrow is my birthday and. . .

I JUST ASK THAT NO ONE MENTIONS MY AGE.

Thank you. That is all.

So. . . .

I planned homecoming and then everything got out of control. I need 300 people to buy tickets at 43 bucks each or I am footing the bill. The 10,000 bill. Anyone feel like sponsoring some poor kids homecoming?! They deserve it.
I can't even think about it all. I say you pick a kid and send them to homecoming!
Would that I had 300 readers. . .

aaaaahhhhhhhh!

I am so overwhelmed right now. Too much stuff to do, people to please, kids to save, quizzes to write, lessons to plan, research to do, plays to direct, papers to grade, etc.

I need a break before I go insane. One thing at a time. Just what's in front of me. Today I totally fucked something up. something major. And for the first time in a long time, I was at a total loss. I had no idea how to fix the situation. Pretty scary.

It's time to shut it down. Breathe and reboot. I'll be ok tomorrow, but right now I'm lost in a swirl of stuff.
I'm out.

Oh October, you render me speechless

October is a weird month. I am excited about the prospect of so many sports being on, especially since my baseball team is doing quite well. The weather is changing, so that means tights and warm sweaters, which are also good.
It also means my birthday. Not so good. The passage of time is good and makes me happy, but I'm scared and a little bummed. I want something big to happen, I know it won't. It never does. But I'm scared it will be a let down, another empty day.
That's just what's up.

I'm asking for the willingness to be hopeful and happy. Since I am neither right now.

Shot down. . . in a blaze of glory

Forgive the Bon Jovi reference, but it is how I feel today. I'm bummed. I feel as if the system we have in this great nation of ours has totally screwed me. oh well. Perhaps the universe is telling me that I have bigger things to do in this life than be in the classroom.

That makes me sad. I love the kids, but what is in store for me I have no idea.

So in the words of the Bird, "I pray and meditate at night for freedom. Transcend the light and feel the sensation."

Will do. The answer will come and I have faith that it will be better than anything I ever could have conceived of in my tiny little mind.